I hate you

Wow sorry that was rude

I dislike you.

How's that?

people can do a 180 in such a short amount of time

"you are the sum of the 5 people you give the most time to." -zoelaz

Boy can I vauge for that. 

I've seen you go through hell and back and you still refuse to acknowledge who you've become. 

I can only be a "good example" to you for so long cause eventually
I'm out of your top 5.

And not the who's-your-top-five-kissy-face kind of top 5.
The influential-zoelaz top five.

'Cause you're running around without a care in the world and

 yes this is still highschool. 

and I have another test tomorrow & the teacher hasn't even graded the first one yet.
help

Maybe I'm uptight or just the oldest child but I'm getting sick of people who "just don't care."

but now its hipster not to care so maybe I'm on my own

because now everyone is "hipster"

And I dislike that because my mom said hate is too strong of a word.

But maybe I need a strong word.

So my expectations are lower than the school-zone speed limit

'cause you're stuck in your ways just like that old guy across the street.

and don't even try to tell me that my mom's homemade waffles can't heal everything.

Because THEY DO.

My nightmares consist of crooked teeth and
people driving my car into a lake.

but pretty soon they'll be of what you used to be and
how you can never recover from that.

I still have that note we used to pass in jr high but
I keep it in my top drawer so its closer.

And yes Facebook, I know I have notifications pending 

but you're a bit outdated like flare jeans and chokers.

my advice to you:

Don't be that old guy. 

You've still got time

And I've got a full tank of gas and a gift card to red mango.

my heart can't handle your dimples and how you throw your head back when you laugh

I'm more nervous to talk to you than to take the ACT or apply to college.

Scratch that.

Nothing's scarier than applying to college.

but you come pretty dang close.

I seriously get anxiety and probably more than is healthy

as if any anxiety at all is healthy

my mood ring is purple and that means romance

so let's roll with that. 

I'm no electrician 

but I know this is a good kind of electricity that we have

and I want nothing more than for you to

hold my heart

it's beating for you anyways.

But let's not talk about that.

Let's talk about how humans sneeze when they walk into the sun 

And how we'll never know how long balloons last in the sky

once they've been let go of

And how bricks are thrown everyday from all of the 

snarky comments and petty remarks

Let's talk about how ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE DEAD 

(and by dead I mean on missions)

Let's talk about how nothing feels more concrete than when you're holding the one you love.

Because the best moments are the ones where his heartbeat is 

louder than the movie. 

and now I've collected enough bricks to build myself a house

and who knows if you want any part of me. 

Someone else said you get just as nervous as I do.

but I lost my mood ring so I don't know how I feel about that.

"Every ring is a mood ring when you feel nothing" --Lorde

The grumpy cops, the nasty smelling football hallway, and most of all the knight. 

Also gone.

You're "one year older and wiser too" but it's not nearly as exciting as when you were in primary.

I don't want to grow up just yet.

In fact I dread growing up. 

I'm terrified actually.

I'm terrified of leaving everyone I've grown to love and know

and I don't know if I'm ready for that change just yet.

I'm terrified of having to pay bills and having to start over

because what if they don't like me and I get labelled as something I'm not

what the hell, they'll label me anyways.

and her

and you

and us

and even them too.

I'll still never get over the fact that the grape medicine ruined every grape flavor for me

and that the word "play" was socially unacceptable in junior high

I still laugh that tamogatchis were banned at my elementary because they needed to be fed every so often and it was a 

"disruption to the class"

We were so concerned about how to hold a pencil, making sure we didn't have two left shoes on, and about how to organize our erasers in our desks.

Instead we worry about how to hold someone's heart, making sure we have enough makeup on, and how to organize our thoughts and emotions after losing the one we thought we loved.

So maybe I'm speaking for everyone or just for myself when I say we wanna stay young forever.

 I'm entitled to my opinion

 BUT SO IS EVERYONE ELSE.

and honestly I think I'd rather take care of a tamogatchi than a broken heart.

"A new relationship is about to blossom"

I was an ignorant 10th grader who didn't know better

But you did

You told me your name and gave me a ride because I was too young to drive and too young to care.

I liked those mysterious brown eyes and your fast manual car because at that age two seats on four wheels is the most impressive thing a guy can have.

So you called and you texted and I saw my friends less and less but I didn't care.

You had a way with words and I loved how you teased

I think my heart overtook my mind because the teasing went too far and I said I was in love so I told myself it was okay

Only now I know that you calling me fat wasn't funny and takes more than a laugh to shake that off.

But I guess ignorance is bliss and the bliss only lasts as long as you're a fool

I wish I would've figured that out earlier or read THAT in a fortune cookie.

So let the said relationship blossom and consume me because 

that

didn't

count.