karma

10:50 PM


Update: it hit me. Hard. 

I found out just how real the tear stained faces are. 
And how mascara doesn't care if anyone can see you or not.
 It still stains my always red cheeks. 



I found out that numb only lasts for 8 days.


I found out that another weekend third wheeling sends me home quicker than my curfew does.  

I found myself in bed by 9:30 because it's better than being anywhere else
and too many weekends have been spent waiting for you to make up your mind.

 I found out that monday nights are starting to blur into friday nights and its scaring me that I can't tell the difference. 

I've been listening to everything from one direction to sam smith to enya. 
and no matter how hard I try, this sweatshirt still smells like you and secretly I don't want it to fade along with the memories. 



It ended so differently in my head and I think that's half the reason I can't sleep tonight.

My mind won't stop repeating
"I told you so." 

And the best my heart can come up with is "sorry maybe next time" 
but what if "maybe" isn't good enough for me right now. 

I found out that genuine people are rare and I don't know why

I found out that if you fall asleep before 2 am you can cheat your feelings. 
but only for 8 days.

I found out that you're better off without me

But I still haven't found out why.



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9 comments

  1. Cass McKeonNovember 23, 2014 at 10:16 PM

    "I found out that monday nights are starting to blur into friday nights and its scaring me that I can't tell the difference." yeah me too

    ReplyDelete
  2. savanna jonesNovember 24, 2014 at 5:56 PM

    Is it weird to say that this post is everything to me right now because that is my life right now?

    ReplyDelete
  3. AddisonNovember 24, 2014 at 11:27 PM

    oh so good.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Natty BethNovember 25, 2014 at 7:14 AM

    Update: This hit me harder then anything in the world. It hurts. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Elle RoseNovember 25, 2014 at 9:13 AM

    I found out that monday nights are starting to blur into friday nights and its scaring me that I can't tell the difference.

    lovvvvvvvvvee

    ReplyDelete
  6. AbigailNovember 25, 2014 at 9:16 AM

    "but i still haven't found out why"

    um so good. just so good.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Alice S. BlackwellNovember 26, 2014 at 8:57 AM

    "I found out that another weekend third wheeling sends me home quicker than my curfew does."

    "It ended so differently in my head and I think that's half the reason I can't sleep tonight."

    Just a few of the favorites. The cool part about this is it still sounds good the second time, and the third, and the fourth. It's real and that's what's scary about writing. But that's what makes it so powerful.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anna EarlDecember 9, 2014 at 2:21 PM

    I was just reading your newest post and i came back to this and it blew my mind again... just thought i'd let you know. You have such incredible words.

    ReplyDelete